Well, as anyone who reads this knows, I'm a school bus driver.
It's fun going to different places with groups on charters and I find doing the school run enjoyable.
But this year, there's been a lot of stress.
Since I started, I've had one run.. I've been working there for over a year. I started April 29, 2015. So calendar years, I've been there for a year and a half.. School wise, a year and two months.
This year, because of issues with a car seat not fitting in the style of bus I can drive, I had to give up my run. I built a rapport with the kids on my run. I didn't want to give it up, especially for something like that.. But, I'm on another run at the same school. If something happens that allows either the car seat to work in my bus, or the car seat gets eliminated by whatever means, I can have my run back.
So there's that..
Then there's a lack of money that the off-season brings for a bus driver. Most collect Employment Insurance, basically a program where the employee and employer pay into that the employee can collect from during layoff/lack of work. I, however, am on Welfare. As a result, I cannot collect EI..
Now, on Welfare, I report my earnings to the Social Services office here in Peterborough. They deduct what I make using a formula and I get a statement at the end of the month. Well, August... I got $6.75 I scrambled for rent.. I scrambled for food... The Dispatcher I liked left and a new one came in.. I owed for a charter....
September came... I got enough from OW for half my rent.. Then I got told they were deducting money from my pay to cover the charter I owed for, and it was happening over two pays...
My last pay was $98..
Scrambled for half the rent.. Trying to get money for my bus pass.. Trying to get money for food.. Trying to get money to mail off the trade parcels I owe people...
I can't remember if it was last week or this week when I posted on Twitter that I wasn't in the mindset to write.. I want to explain that...
Because of everything right now, I'm feeling like a horrible failure of a person. I hate making people wait for their packages and I just feel that people remember these things and will decide to never trade with me again. I berate myself for things like that.
I even had a trade partner offer to send me money for postage if it'd help.. It took me 20 minutes to write out that I would only feel comfortable accepting if I paid them back when I had money.
I know there are a couple other bloggers out there in our circle that deal with anxiety and depression.. I don't know if they go through the same internal struggle that I've just put down.. I just feel like I needed to explain what's going on right now..
I get paid on the 22nd.. I'll be sending out trade parcels then.. I feel horrible for making everyone wait that long. It's one of those things where I don't even care if I get negative feedback for it. If anything that would reaffirm what I've been telling myself these past two weeks..
And now, Tim Johnson... Just because..